butt hurt

so I'm kind of disappointed... Since first grade I've known my Samantha. and her familia. and I love them to pieces. but lately, her mother is so consumed in her sisters boyfriend that she's lost sight of reality. she's already planning in her head her daughters wedding... and nothing Samantha does is right. b/c her bf isn't jimmy means that she's satanic or w/e but now it's affecting my relationship with Sam's mom. here's why. since 1st grade I've been part of the family. If I was over at their house I went wherever they did. they told me I was part of the family. but today, I heard her ask Samantha to tell me to go home at 5 cuz their having a family dinner at chili's. I guess I'm not family anymore and Jimmy who's been around for like 6 months is... Its not that I wanted a free dinner it's that they made me feel like I'm not family any longer... Idk why I am so upset about it but it really hurt my feelings... and Samantha was totally irritated cuz we're tired of Jimmy and Jac getting their way and Samantha has become the red headed step child that does everything wrong. I'm tired of it. Samantha is a good person and her relationships are her business and just because she's not dating Jimmy doesn't make her a bad person. and her friends shouldn't be treated any less that Jimmy does. especially since, I've been around this family for years! ugh I just needed to vent. I'm butt hurt

Went For A Walk Today....

HOLY BEEJEEZERS!!! So Samantha and I went on a wonderful nights stroll through rancho highlands where I have my fondest memories of growing up! Seemed like everyone lived there. Ali Dooda Tianna- my best friends back then. And a ton of other people I didn't really know but at the time I thought I did.... Loser I know... Anyways, it made Sammie and me feel so old. It also brought to my attention that I can't remember as much as I wish I did. I took advantage of those days. The days when no one made fun of me for the hot Cheetos and dr pepper only my "four eyes" the days when I had no job and only had the bank of mom and grandpa. Why didn't I make the most of those days? Don't get me wrong I had fun but, I wish I cherished it more. It totally made me realize even though it'll happen anyway, I don't want to grow up! I want to eat top ramen while I watch the Rugrats for hours. Then we met up with Ali on our walk and she was babysitting... So weird kids are... I know people who are married at my age and/or have kids at my age and it is wild to me. I'm being so selfish right now. Even in my relationship with Jerry<-- who is amazing, I'm selfish. idk its scaring that marriage and children is around the corner. seriously life just gets faster and faster before I know it I'll be at my 10 year reunion. I'm scared in a way to become and adult...

BUT!!!! then I think of all my memories with Jerry which I'm trying to cherish them so I never forget! lol. I got lucky to find the most amazing guy so young and there's no one else in the world that will/ could ever make me feel the way he does! Being with him makes me excited to get married and have kids.(I'm far from this though and so is he) but, I know he's numero uno! Which is crazy given what I stated above. Idk its so weird I love him to death and can't wait to start my life with him. I wish I could be with him and still be a kid. However, it will be a goal for me to make sure we don't get too old too fast. I want to have times when we are kids. I fell in love with a goofball so it's definitely in the stars to have that kind of relationship. I feel like in life lately, I'm too serious. Its good to be serious but, when is it too much? I need to figure out that line. cuz life isn't fun right now. I LOVE school but I feel like all I do is school and work. I wanna have fun with my friends (no I don't want to become a party girl and get trashed every weekend) but just build memories with fun people. Why waste your one life? anyways, I got sidetracked. hahaha.

Well I guess that's all I need to post for today... interesting walk I must say. It made me really re evaluate how I'm living my life. I will become more carefree less controlling and more positive. I can't wait!